synonyms for the maladjusted

I had to laugh when a white coated,stethoscope clad Resident strode past me shielding himself from the rain with a leopard print umbrella. Surely he was just working with what he had (but he stayed dry!).  Hopelessly addicted to people watching…and learning about the process of change within organizations; finding that it is supremely difficult when actually attempted. How do we all work together for the good of mankind? Do most people believe they are acting in the most beneficial way possible, or are they just trying to get by? Travelling to rural Tennessee a couple of weeks ago, I realized that everyone wants to be proud of something; to take pride in themselves for some  reason. When a group is proud of their combined state in life they are bound together for better or for worse. Secretly they think one day they’ll drive a nicer car and live in a big house. Maybe it will come from the lottery…or luck…or plain old hard work. Either way no one should tell them what to do, or help their fellow-man without their say so…especially if it affects the rich men that they will become. Things flow down…don’t they?

When life comes to a head, when it rains and there are no other options, I think people do what they have to (even if it is embarrassing).  I’ve seen a lot of good people and I’ve seen a lot of bad; everyone acts in a way that is natural and deemed necessary at the time. My patient punched me in the face because he  believed  I was hoarding guns to shoot him. Another patient started screaming because he  believed there was pizza in the hallway that was being hidden from him. Clearly delusional, but real to them just the same… if you see a delusion or a lie that is believed by someone why point it out blatantly? Help them see another world…the world where delusions aren’t necessary because the truth is so obvious. Change is one of the hardest things to facilitate, but sometimes all you need is some rain and a leopard print umbrella.

I wonder…

Who makes the decision about deserving

What makes people see themselves in a certain way

When the light goes on in a head injury patient’s mind…what they think about

Where do you go when things don’t turn out…or when they do

Why it is so cool to do one thing and not another…and who decides?

How love happens and what it feels like to be in love and if love is worth it…

If vitamin B6 is just a placebo effect

Sometimes I get carried away and think I am entirely original. This makes me feel really cool, like maybe I am at least a D list celebrity who lives a life people would actually care to hear about. I have lots of ironic things sitting about like “The Little Witch’s Book of Yoga”  and my old cabbage patch kid. My brothers always remind me that I am a complete conformist when they compare me to the “Stuff White People Like” blog. I am ridiculously similar to most other people my age.

Then there’s the picture of me not looking at the camera, taken with the Retro Cam (hidden on my computer) of my new Android.

Of course this is completely embarrassing. I would gladly jump to make fun of anyone who took such a self-portrait, but unfortunately I am the unsightly culprit. And I am using words like culprit, so that’s even worse. As a homeschooled girl (yes, the whole time) I am pretty sensitive about being different. When people say that me being homeschooled explains a lot about me…it makes me cringe, and subconsciously try even harder to be cooler than ever (which inevitably backfires). “But Jody I love you!” Translates to “you are far to weird to date, but sometimes you amuse me, so I will hang out if you ask first.” Maybe I am being too sensitive,  really I am because I have some really good friends. If I would only stop taking self-portraits. At least I don’t use the bathroom mirror…

There is really nothing like a good old bathroom mirror self-portrait. The social frailty of steadily gazing into your camera while finding just the right pose in the mirror, stands out like a rabbit crossing the interstate. There aren’t many ways NOT to make fun of such a picture. I would like to interject that a measure of admiration must be divulged when one has the self-confidence to take a picture of themselves in a bathroom mirror, then post it to Facebook (fully expecting to receive compliments). It really does beat the somewhat self involved act of taking an ironic self-portrait of yourself with your own camera (and making it look like some random person was just snapping a picture of unsuspecting little you…). So that makes me feel cooler.